Have to give myself a bit of a pat on the back. Today I went for a walk.
Okay it was only about a ten minute walk, but still, I put on a coat and went out into this cold winter day and I put one foot in front of the other for about ten solid minutes.
That’s a real deal for someone like me who lives with bipolar2/hypomania and the black depression that goes with it.
The lack of sunlight leaks life out of me in winter but, for some reason, today I had the strength to fight back a little.
It’s weird how when I feel like my depression is almost choking me that out of the blue I am able to do little positive things like this.
After I got back home from my little sojourn I had a shower – something else that is a challenge to the happily challenged. I don’t mean I’m happy to be challenged. It is a challenge for me to be happy. Oh, jeez, you get it right?
It’s like something is poking through the darkness and giving me little pushes of energy. I can’t explain it but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
I figure maybe these little pokes are a precursor to a better mindset. Like there’s a little hammer tap, tapping away at the dark ice around me and maybe soon it will bust it all away, at least for a while.
That would be miraculous, especially at this time of year. An it would be awesome.
Or maybe my depression-o-meter is so full it’s starting to leak. Bonus.
It doesn’t really matter why it’s happening but it does feel good.