I don’t often rant, but this one has been coming on for a few days now and I just can’t keep it in anymore.
So my Peer Outreach Worker with the Canadian Mental Health Association came to my house the other day for the first time. Normally we meet halfway between her office and my home, but because of the driving phobia I’ve developed recently, she agreed to come to my place. She also brought with her some literature she thought could help me with this latest twist in my mental health. Oh, there’s always a new twist or tangle being thrown at me by my dark brain. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up. Sometimes I don’t want to keep up. I just want to give up, completely. Give in to the darkest of dark thoughts. But I have a child to think of, so I stay my hand.
Anyway, back to my worker coming to visit. Knowing my fear of driving, she brought a form on Community Care which is an organization that helps out people unable to get around easily by themselves. One of the services it provides is rides for people like me, who live out in the country, into the city for doctors’ appointments, shopping, etc. So I was pretty excited when I first read the brochure. Then my worker called the contact number and we were told that the service is generally for people in around their mid 60s who can’t physically get out on their own.
I’m not in my 60s yet but I sure as hell am having a problem getting around on my own. I’m living on disability because of my brain, it doesn’t work right. I live with Bipolar 2 depression and it pretty much rules the roost in my life. And there are all sorts of other problems I deal with, case in point, my driving phobia. So why is my driving phobia any different than someone with a physical disability who is unable to get around?
Here we go, playing the old stigma game again. How can I be allowed onto disability and yet not be seen as a disabled person? I know all the literature says if you develop a driving phobia the worst thing you can do is actually stop driving, but you have to build yourself back up again and it can take time. I’m trying to do that, but in the meantime I’m reaching out for help and I find it’s not there. It just doesn’t make sense!
Oh well, that’s my rant. And my second blog of the day, something else I don’t often do but jeez, this kind of thing makes me want to scream!